the bubbles i live in.

I felt It's another mistake. Trying to make thing work, when she is already moved on, when she already liked someone.To do thing when they are now so fucked.. I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulder. I've been think sooo much since we've met. Your life, is now without me and I'm like a stranger, standing outside trying to look what is behind the thick wall. We've try it all. Butterflies in my stomach turned into knifes. The feeling of losting you for now and ever. I'm not lying but it seems like everything I say is like a lie. I cant love you and I cant hate you. I'm not fine without you. You keep on say that you cant give me 100%, You call me to move on when I find the right girl. 2 years and counting. Where is that girl to you say will appear? That only one girl whom really loves me. The perfect girl that you say are better than you? It just doesnt exist. So what if i have a zillion of hot pretty friends? I am close with some of them, but what will it bring? The girls I liked, the girls whom I am close with, are just friends. Tho I really want to be with them and make it happen. WE just cant break off from the boarders of friendship. They wouldnt want to break that off and every single one of them will say the same exact words. "Ivan, you're a good guy, you can find someone better" God damn it, I do not want someone better! I do not want perfect. I just want a simple girl, simple relationship. It doesnt make sense right if I know alot of female friends but I dont like them? Even thou I liked them, they are just not interested in ME. rewinding back. Yes, I do admit I was one hell of a jerk and even worst and I know karma is biting me back. HARD. my confidence, every ounce of them are tearing up apart. breaking my sense of security, pulling me down into the abyss , filling me with darkness, inject me nothing but loneliness. What I've gain these two years? Female friends that takes me just as friends, Endless party, INSECURE, EMPTINESS and everything I had lost.

I do not need a relationship, I WANT a relationship.

I am not happy now, I am happier when I am in a relationship.

Someone please undestand me.